Poems from the 2025 Limericks Contest: E.J. Hutchinson, Four Classical Limericks

E.J. Hutchinson is Associate Professor of Classics at Hillsdale College and Director of Hillsdale's Collegiate Scholars Program. His poems have previously appeared in various fora in print and online. 

Telemachus in Pylos

Telemachus went to see Nestor:

Since he would not puff out his chest or

Fight the boys in the yard

(That would just be too hard),

He went abroad for the semester.

 

In the Cave of the Cyclops

When trapped by the freak Polyphemus,

Ulysses thought, “He’s gonna cream us!”

So he gouged out his eye.

Afterward, passersby

Heard him crying, “Nobody’s the meanest!”

 

Philip II of Macedon

King Philip has croaked in Vergina.

With a laugh, his foes raise a retsina.

But the joke is on them:

Alexander’s sworn in.

He’s a lion hungry for hyena.

 

The Edict of Thessalonica

Way back in old Thessaloniki,

Since the Arians’ faith was so sneaky,

Theodosius proclaimed

That Nicaea be named

The imperial gyro’s tzatziki.