Runner-up, Parody Contest: Death to Donne, by Daniel Galef

This poem appears in Daniel Galef's collection Imaginary Sonnets, which consists of seventy persona poems from the point of view of historical figures, literary characters, inanimate objects, and entities. Another form of the poem was published in Light. Since the collection was published, more Imaginary Sonnets have been published in Think, the Atlanta Review, the Cumberland River Review, and Scientific American. Galef is currently a graduate student at the University of Cincinnati.

Death to Donne

After John Donne’s “Holy Sonnet X,” which begins: “Death, be not proud”

I have no pride. I have no vice! Which sin
could I commit? Would you suggest I lust?
Your flesh is putrid—presently, but dust.
Do I wax wroth? This face can’t help but grin.
No shepherd ever slew so many sheep
as I my flock: does that make me a glutton?
Well, peek beneath this robe—I’m rather thin
(I must confess, I’ve never cared for mutton).
Perhaps it’s sloth? I have been called “like sleep”
(in fact, we’re twins). But day and night are twins
(my mother and my aunt). And I contend
that greed and envy, though two top-rate sins,
are concepts that I cannot comprehend—
how could I? See, it’s all mine, in the end.