Parody Contest Poems: To the Zoomers, to Make Much of Prime, by E.J. Hutchinson

E. J. Hutchinson is associate professor of classics at Hillsdale College (Michigan) and director of Hillsdale’s Collegiate Scholars Program.

To the Zoomers, to Make Much of Prime

(after Robert Herrick, “To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time")

Gather ye earbuds while ye may,

While Spotify’s a-streamin’;

Find something whimsical to play,

Like “California Dreamin.”

Pay for the year in one lump sum,

Though higher it’s a-getting.

Subscription fees are not so dumb

As weed or online betting.

That song is best which comes up first;

Just trust the algorithm.

It’s true, it sometimes blows the search;

Still, go with what is given.

Use Spotify for songs, or Prime,

Your P!nk or Katy Perry;

For records, really, who’s got time?

Plus, ownership’s too scary.